THIS IS NOT A TEST isn’t as pretty as it used to be, but who is? If I can find a workable theme it will be pretty again. MTINATPA (MAKE THIS IS NOT A TEST PRETTY AGAIN!) hats are on the way.

 What the hell, let’s take a chainsaw to royalty, the desert, aliens with oversized heads, crazy glue, usenet, Airstream trailers, diplomas, fat and lazy cover bands, crushing and demoralizing your enemy, pig flesh, pigskin, loving it or leaving it, Amnesty International, smokescreens and the rise of the machines. We’ll talk about 14 of those…

 Here, how about some Jade Bird, some signs of life, some Bob Dylan, some…country music? No. Some Shakespeare, Jimmy Fallon, Arrow de Wilde, cesspools, how art and culture are really life itself, Stephen Hines’ “the late season” book, undercurrents and undercutting, Jackson Pollock, Prince, 5 Hour Energy Drink, Western society, Victorian days, Leaving Las…

In which and wherein I proceed to speak on subjects as confounding and diverse as particles, time, unemployment, maximizing one’s potential, training chickens, meaning and purpose, milk trucks, the pervasive mystery of Atlassian Confluence, rhythm, mojo, management philosophies, buying and selling, Joe Strummer, Lake Woebegone and the End of the Road in Homer Alaska, Craigslist,…

 This one may sound a little weird because it’s the first episode recorded in the new studio (a.k.a. the spare bedroom of the house we just moved in to). Try to ignore the echo and instead just revel in the hilarity of bronchitis, 768 Kbps Internet, rain on cardboard boxes, hustlers and con artists,…

 Oh Canada, the San Gabriel Valley, LSD, white bread, the Oscar race (pretty sure he’s white – har har), the wonderful and marvelous (and now dead) Joe Frank, the proximity effect, Craigslist again because apparently I’m a masochist, and last but not least on this abbreviated episode for an abbreviated month: how I became…

 This episode is two days late for reasons which may reveal themselves when you listen. And who wouldn’t want to listen to a scintillating discussion about deviled ham, touring Prince’s home and recording studio Paisley Park – a cotton candy Barbie dream condo if ever there was one, landlords, looking for a new job,…

 Over the river and through the woods, to Bukowski’s house we go. This is just me talking about what it was like there, and how I wound up there. It’s a brief tale that I thought you’d like to hear. But don’t let it inspire you to go to Bukowski’s house uninvited. That wouldn’t…

Getting an email from Gene Simmons, why young boys must rock, spending fifty thousand dollars on a collection of outtakes, getting onto a cruise ship with really old rock stars, spending $250 on a collection that is basically The Beatles dicking around for 80 hours while being filmed, Ektachrome 500, the miracle of HAP (again),…

I come fully prepared to talk about supper clubs, The Hat Pack, the futility of it all, professional locksmiths, unprofessional landlords, professional “contractors,” ladders, distinctive tape measures, flashlights and sticky fingers, flying buttresses, Appalachia, apes painting window trim, you and your stereo and how great you are, whether or not it’s socially acceptable to call…

We may as well talk about modern-day lynch mobs and public shaming, that Nazi rally in Charlottesville, Twitter, getting “good PR” by piggybacking on a tragedy, censorship, Godwin’s law, Trump bulldozing people into mass graves, remembering the days of the free exchange of ideas with no governing body, Nazis having trouble finding online homes, riding…

Amble down the path with me, if you will, toward finishing the writing of books, promoting and getting reviewers to read said books, plastic, and metal, pushing birds out of nests, motors with moxie, selling window fans, oral histories, Roger Steffens and Bob Marley, faulty and fragile memories, tipping over a street vendor’s cart because…

I have the best of intentions when I record these, but sometimes things just get away from me. So I’m not sure what this one is “about,” but aside from what’s listed in the title you’ll also hear about PJ Harvey again (including never-before heard audio from an interview I did with her 10 years…

I caught PJ Harvey’s “The Hope Six Demolition Project” tour at the Greek Theater here in Los Angeles. Allow me to tell you about that, and about psychic space, outdoor music shows, croaking for dollars, staying relevant in the face of increasing waves of nostalgia, First Aid Kit and Fiona Apple, retiring from live shows,…

46 reviews in 50 minutes? How is that even possible, you may be asking. No wonder they call it an extravaganza! Well, that’s what this is. Maybe not an extravaganza, but 46 reviews in 50 minutes, as advertised. Though, honestly, it may be more of an opportunity for me to complain about what I don’t…

This episode is ostensibly about Snapchat taking over all the buildings in Venice, but it’s really just an excuse for me to tell stories about living in Venice – where the debris meets the sea – a long time ago. You know, that and mucus, khakis, “Silicon Beach,” wombats, sticky carpets, sleeping bags, Sanford and…

Chaos and disorder fall upon a nation while millions march in the streets demanding…something. I’m just not sure what. So we may as well talk about protesting. And snakes, hot coals, stereo speakers, being polite, agitating, Century City, Reagan, patchouli, which hats are in fashion, Vietnam, the ERA, diet Coke, catastrophe and emergency, hypocrisy, mental…

It’s Bukowski time again, sort of, and along the way we may or may not touch on hair again, hopping on pop, nuclear winter, Ronald Reagan, “Baby, it’s cold outside,” Christmas songs, Cap’n Crunch, slapping broads around, male privilege, Rudy Vallee, amplified ants, Vietnam, the looming Trump era as a glass-half-full kind of thing, how…

You didn’t think I’d let this presidential election pass without saying something, did you? Well, actually, I had hoped to, but the whole thing didn’t exactly turn out the way a lot of us had hoped or expected, so here we are. As you may have noticed, the truth took a beating in the campaign…

Thrill to the description of my DNA test results, and stay on the edge of your seat as I also provide grandiose oratory on Bob Dylan’s Nobel prize, Leonard Cohen, Tony Orlando, Casper the friendly ghost, tar and feathers, lefse and lutefisk, astrology, whimsy, turpitude, sushi, Eve, culture wars, old white men, ISIS or ISIL…

On Thursday night Cat Stevens played a 50th-anniversary show at the Pantages Theater in Hollywood. If you couldn’t be there I have the rundown for you. [subscribe] Transcript

Bright ideas, Amazon reviews, everyday miracles, McMansions, Mark Lewisohn, anything for a quid, reading on a Kindle, how many books are too many, bar bands, Mozart, Ron Howard, take me out to the ball game, comparing politicians to pop groups, our magnificent political system, the fog of nostalgia, Chairman Mao, back hair, outsiders, your savior,…

I had a hard time titling this one because I’m more all-over-the-map than usual. I blame this brutal non-stop heat wave of a summer. But if you take a chance you will hear about soaking electronics in beer, the last VCR, digital cameras, the future, Ludwig von Köchel, (not) paying $150 for a CD, charming…

Bunny Wailer: Blackheart man, soul rebel, ruler of dancehall, legend. Plus Garbage – the band, not the stuff out behind your house – pink hair, people looking old before their time, Madonna, orthopedic shoes and K-Mart t-shirts, The Wailers, avoiding night flights, Madison Square Garden, electronic reggae, that rapper that Prince used, the Electric Slide,…

I know it’s not time for the monthly episode yet, but I just wanted to pop in, say hi, and talk about white people and black people in America. Just a little light-hearted chit chat about race. Don’t be scared. We’re all friends here. [subscribe] Transcript

You have to wonder about things like guns, and June Gloom, the LGBLT community, preaching love, calling things “the worst in U.S. history,” Wounded Knee, your high school history book, wars, genocide, subjugation, cupcakes, immigrants and queers, throwing rocks at politicians, gun control, unemployment checks, Kickstarter, the emperor’s new clothes, swimming upstream, fluffing up your…

Here we go with the three day weekend, vacation, the near-impossibility of relaxation, Richard Nixon, gadgets, machines and thing-a-ma-bobs, fainting couches, VARIDESK, regular desks, making things disappear, harboring a grudge, robots, brain surgeons and grocery baggers, lanyards, key cards, backstage passes, Royal Crown Cola, spaghetti, the Clash, broom closets, elaborate props, the Rolling Stones, Donald…

I’m going to talk about my job for a minute, just because, but we’ll also talk about landlords, moving, the Mars rover, rejuvenating a 13 year old website, repetition and tedium, baby seals, crafting a lovely box, Cinderella, feeling ridiculous, magical thinking, talking goats, unicorns, the NATIONAL ENQUIRER, TMZ, rat kings, big-gulps, incubators, Paisley Park,…

Was Prince a genius? Hmm, good question. Let’s talk about having 50 albums worth of unreleased music in “the vault,” and some of the crazy, before-its-time shit he did when he was alive. Giants walk among us. Or at least they used to. You might also hear me say words about things like the Ostrich…

Let me tell you about bumping in to Prince on a Minneapolis street corner, but first we’ll probably talk about, oh, I don’t know, hair removal, P.J. Harvey, record reviews, taking a writer’s word for something, Rock Steady, big mailboxes, Siskel and Ebert and where their thumbs have been, the Christgau Consumer Guide, artistic merit,…

Maybe “hate” is too strong a word, but we’ll also go to Space Mountain, talk about wasting time, the smart way to do things, Richie Havens, literary magazines, how long “forever” is on the Internet, the answer to some people’s dreams, your AOL connection, The Knucklehead Chronicle, baby frogs, an uncaring universe, taking the small…

When you listen to THIS IS NOT A TEST you are not “consuming content,” 40 year old pictures, satin bell bottoms, Bob Ezrin, record stores, the roar of the greasepaint, the smell of the crowd, Pet Sounds, insufferable twats, music floating on the breeze, ticket scalpers, being easily entertained, cardboard boxes full of cassette tapes,…

Are we sure we want a cashless society? Are we sure we want to hear about Victorian-era language, Ripley’s Believe It Or Not!, delivering mail, buildings made from a single tree, Fiji Mermaids, Odditoriums, teenage vampire novels, working dogs from the UK, casinos, Taco Bell, the genius of credit card companies, above ground pools, iris…