THIS IS NOT A TEST is a bit broken, but aren’t we all? Fix soon come.

  • Waiting on a Friend

    Waiting on a Friend

    I had to fix something on the site here, and I couldn’t help but notice that two years and eight months ago, I said I’d be back with a new episode of THIS IS NOT A TEST. But here we are two years and eight months later, and I’ve given you nothing. What a terrible…

  • Tomorrow’s Never What It’s Supposed To Be

    Tomorrow’s Never What It’s Supposed To Be

    Hi dee ho and a higgelty piggelty, here we are, like old friends who’ve been vaccinated and can now touch each other again. Me? I’m waxed, vaxed, and sending a fax, because I’ve had both doses of the Pfizer juice. I got the second dose almost a month ago, and it was intense, I’m not…

  • Rural Juror

    Rural Juror

     Let’s bid adieu to 2020 with a heartwarming tale of sitting on a small-town jury. Did you know adieu means “to God”? So when we bid adieu to 2020, we’re really saying, “To God with 2020,” when maybe what we really mean to say is “To hell with 2020.” Which would be to bid…

  • The Need for Speed

    The Need for Speed

    Seems like mere minutes ago I was talking about a new theme for the site here. Well as you may have noticed, that fancy new theme is gone. Mainly because, contrary to being fancy, it was a festering piece of dogshit. Maybe the fact that the theme company was called AncientCoders should have been a…

  • Adios Bukowski Forum

    Adios Bukowski Forum

     This one is about the demise of the Charles Bukowski forum, but then for some reason about halfway through I start talking about old-time independent record stores. Places like Three Acre Wood and Northern Lights in St. Paul, and Oarfolkjokeopus in Minneapolis. You might also hear me mention, if you listen real closely, the…

  • Girls Names That Start With the Letter H

    Girls Names That Start With the Letter H

     It’s me again, and it’s high time we talked about names again, not to mention technical tomfoolery, what defines us, surviving a plane crash, employment discrimination, being an expert procrastinator, clanging, blabbing, guacamole, silence, otherness, parmesan cheese, the President of the Apes, diapers, conformity-by-necessity, outsiders, starting a podcasting school, palindromes, the world’s laziest way…

  • Now In Color!

    Now In Color!

    This website has been a long white column since day one. It feels like it’s time to change that since everything else is changing. So here’s the opposite of a long white column, a haphazard hodgepodge of who knows what. A chaotic mishmash, a visual cornucopia, if you will. As the kids say. Poke around.…

  • Putting the T into LGBTQ

    Putting the T into LGBTQ

     Join me, won’t you, for a lively discussion about disorganized garages, Denmark, girls with a baseball bats on their shoulders, broccoli, being pregnant without a husband, fluoride, Flip Wilson, wigs, unnatural amounts of contrast, the pinnacle of beingness, umbrella acronyms, chainsaw juggling, a nice pair of shoes, kids, rejuvenation, murder games, Casper the ghost,…

  • Skipping a Beat

    Skipping a Beat

    Well, I missed the first Saturday of the month again. Do you know what PHP is? No? Consider yourself lucky. PHP is one of the things I use to build most of the websites I’ve built over the past 24 or 25 years. That and MySQL databases. The thing is, the PHP I’m in the…

  • Boys Names That Start With the Letter M

    Boys Names That Start With the Letter M

     What’s in a name? Everything, apparently. Let’s talk about names. And maybe accidentally touch on Google, bread lines, band flyers, getting married and losing your identity, inventing names, self-fulfilling prophecies, a heart surgeon named Becky, serial killers, recording studios, videos, Led Zeppelin, Dynasty hairdos, Target smocks, Devo, subversion, eating on $2 a day, cages,…

  • Dropping Propaganda From My Helicopter in the Sky

    Dropping Propaganda From My Helicopter in the Sky

     Spring brings the Western Tanager, Earth Day, The Flintstones, Vietnam, food from the future, whales, protest, unenlightenment, the tools of oppression, laws, tribes, DNA, COVID, the great Liberal machine, foxes, lizards, cocktails, misdirection, the CDC, guano, mankind, newspuppets, the solution to everything, Girl Scout cookies, the pendulum, chipmunks, pretty shoes, Questlove, Santana, the Monkees,…

  • I Got No Friends ‘Cause They Read the Papers

    I Got No Friends ‘Cause They Read the Papers

     It’s springtime, so let’s talk about…COVID-19? That discussion is unavoidable, yes, but don’t forget about jackrabbits, owls, coyotes, hazmat, malaria medicine, sensitivity, self-fulfilling prophesy, mascara, gourds, bunkers, Coven, Bob Marley, Aussie twats, an abundance of caution, social distancing, paid vacations, ramen noodles, toilet paper, Instagram, water, karaoke, skin, national parks, desert tortoises, ravens, garbage,…

  • SCIENTISTS VERIFY THAT WORLDWIDE CORONAVIRUS HYSTERIA IS COMPLETELY JUSTIFIED!

    SCIENTISTS VERIFY THAT WORLDWIDE CORONAVIRUS HYSTERIA IS COMPLETELY JUSTIFIED!

     Terrified of catching a cold? Don’t be, I’ve got you covered. Calm yourself by listening to my reassuring voice lulling you into an alpha wave-rich state of near catatonia by talking about hawks, burritos, cruise ships, toilet paper, Ira Glass, Portlandia, the death of half of the human race, super Tuesday, civil war, collapsed…

  • Go Fly a Kite and Other Mild Insults

    Go Fly a Kite and Other Mild Insults

     Hi, remember me? I thought you might like to talk about dogs, jobs, moms, flying kites and Jolly Rogers, sleeping on pool tables, corn, Mai Tais with Buddha, white Christmas, metadata, Showtime at The Apollo, which Sex in the City character are you?, getting old, Christmas music, Van Morrison, The Wailers, fistfights, puppetheads, Joe…

  • Here We Are Again on the First Saturday of the Month

    Here We Are Again on the First Saturday of the Month

    And here I am again telling you, “Not this time, hombre.” I was looking forward to speaking to you today, but some savage bastard a dentist ripped a molar out of my head a few days ago, and non-essential talking isn’t a super attractive prospect at the moment. Besides, I just got my nails did,…

  • I Got Nothin’

    I Got Nothin’

    I got nothing to say. Next time, you’ll see. In the meantime, here’s Gemma.

  • Vanished From iTunes Like a Five Dollar Bill From a Three-Card Monte Table

    Vanished From iTunes Like a Five Dollar Bill From a Three-Card Monte Table

    The fine and wonderful folks at Apple changed the iTunes categories for what appears to be no reason, and when I updated my feed to adapt to those changes I must have changed something else that made iTunes drop the podcast from their listings completely. I think I’ve fixed it, but we’ll see.

  • Come Fly With Me

    Come Fly With Me

     Let’s talk about air travel, airplanes, and people, and maybe also the Eiffel Tower, the Grand Canyon, Palm Springs in the summer, LAX, a deep, hacking, ugly cough, Pringles, pretzels, vodka, pasta salad, La-Z-Boys, Mountain Dew, nuns, flowy peasant blouses, iPods, Tunis Air, half-price fajita night, tuberculosis, and the joys of a good mani/pedi.…

  • What Did You Do Today?

    What Did You Do Today?

    This morning I did something to this site and broke it. Then I broke it again, and now it’s fixed. I think. What broke was an old (old) theme that I’d built a child theme around. I knew the day was coming because the parent theme has been defunct for years now, but you know…

  • Life Must Be Somewhere to Be Found

    Life Must Be Somewhere to Be Found

     Allow me to regale you with more tales of packing up and moving, the Kingdom of Nye, the end of the road, Los Angeles, the high desert, America’s Next Top Model, the 60 freeway, LAX, the Milky Way, leaf blowers, Bedouins, mountain biking, Germans, landlords, cucumber water, and how Instagram is destroying the National…

  • What Time Is It?

    What Time Is It?

    It’s the first Saturday of the month, that’s what time it is, and that means a brand new episode of THIS IS NOT A TEST! Usually. But not today, brothers and sisters. I am still digging out from under a(nother) house move, and I just can’t at the moment. But I’ll be back as soon…

  • You Can’t Always Get What You Want

    You Can’t Always Get What You Want

     Hi. I’ve always been honest with you, except when I’m lying, so I have to say that I recorded this episode and put it on the shelf because I didn’t think it was good enough. “Good enough” being a subjective term, of course. But as it happens, I’m packing to move (again), which means…

  • THIS IS NOT A TEST is now on Pandora

    THIS IS NOT A TEST is now on Pandora

    Sound the alarm, now you can get your THIS IS NOT A TEST fix on Pandora. You can find it by searching for – you guessed it – THIS IS NOT A TEST on the Pandora Android app. I suppose that applies to the iPhone as well, but I don’t have any iAnythings to check…

  • How a Jacket Changed My Life

    How a Jacket Changed My Life

     This episode starts with a bang and just keeps bangin’ ’till the cows come home. LOL! LOL! We will discuss Jah Himself, hippies, Mahtomedi Minnesota, aliens, beaver, curry, secret handshakes, Toughskins, ski jackets, the birth of the puffy jacket and its early victims, living in your cousin’s basement, the leather store, the perfection of…

  • Interview with Carol Es: Shrapnel in the San Fernando Valley

    Interview with Carol Es: Shrapnel in the San Fernando Valley

     In this ear-crushing aural assault on the senses, artist and author Carol Es talks to us on the day her debut memoir Shrapnel in the San Fernando Valley is published. Okay, it’s not really an “ear-crushing aural assault on the senses,” it’s just an interview, but lend a crushed ear to hear about Carol’s…

  • Some Book Reviews and Also the History of the Earth

    Some Book Reviews and Also the History of the Earth

     Let’s talk about the earth, humanity, science and yes, maybe also work in 20 book reviews somehow: “Scar Tissue” by Anthony Kiedis, “Hit So Hard” by Patty Schemel, “Gold Dust Woman” by Stephen Davis, “There’s No Bones in Ice Cream” by Sylvain Sylvain, “The Most Beautiful: My Life with Prince” by Mayte Garcia, “Complicated…

  • Who sneezed in my arpeggio?

    Who sneezed in my arpeggio?

     Let’s get right to it, shall we? Or rather, let’s not get right to it, let’s start this one with a poem. Then let’s talk about mixtapes, sliders, memories, smells, silence that isn’t really silence, limitations, your mother’s shoes, tweens, soccer moms, Young Adult fiction, the Sundance film festival, veal, Hindu gods, Springsteen on…

  • Mixed Nuts

    Mixed Nuts

     Happy new year, here are some mixed nuts. And, since a balanced diet is important, have a little helping of 9/11, Black Lives Matter, trolling the aisles of CVS, the mathematics of grocery shopping, human history, deadly peanut allergies, Janeane Garofalo, Michael Che, Celiac disease, The New England Journal of Medicine, the most kick-ass…

  • What a Pain in the Neck

    What a Pain in the Neck

    You know how sometimes you tweak your neck somehow and the damn thing hurts for days (and days and days) and you’re walking around looking like Lurch or Frankenstein because you’re moving the whole top of your torso from side to side just to avoid moving your head from side to side? I have that.…

  • Rain, Coffee, Facebook, and Conspiracy, Coming Straight at You in Startling New Sensurround

    Rain, Coffee, Facebook, and Conspiracy, Coming Straight at You in Startling New Sensurround

     It’s raining in Los Angeles, so we may as well talk about formative years, Bangladesh, mittens, waterlogged La-Z-Boys, Blue Mountain coffee, English muffins, Bordeaux, procrastination, what it means to be human, Facebook and other modern afflictions, Alex Jones, conspiracy, shirtless weeping, the Roman Empire, truth and science, Jesus himself, Nixon himself, Woodrow Wilson, selling…

  • You Know, That Stuff Will Kill You

    You Know, That Stuff Will Kill You

     What is it about beer, or any alcohol, really, that makes us so…I don’t know, wonderful? Okay, it doesn’t make all of us wonderful, I’ll give you that. Some people shouldn’t be allowed to drink. I certainly shouldn’t have been allowed to drink when I was a young man, but no one stopped me,…

  • My Bike Trip Across America

    My Bike Trip Across America

     Join me, won’t you, on an action-packed cross country bicycle trip that I undertook a few short decades ago, in the America of the late 1980s. Weren’t those glorious times? What with the Cold War, the Reagan presidency gracefully pirouetting into the Bush presidency, Iran-Contra, Oliver North, revered statesman Dan Quayle, precious baby Jessica…

  • Fear and Loathing Beneath a Tranquil Malibu Sunset

    Fear and Loathing Beneath a Tranquil Malibu Sunset

     And a one and a two and a here we go, off into the wild blue yonder of the Malibu coastline, with wine, exes, freeway traffic, sophistication, $10 couches, real money, dog catchers, Thomas Brothers maps, helicopters, Elizabeth Shue in a leather skirt, bacterial infections, hard-boiled eggs, sweat, darkness, garbage, shrubbery, pregnancy, hospitality, Cheech…

  • New Instagram and Twitter accounts

    New Instagram and Twitter accounts

    For your following pleasure. That Google+ link is the same as it’s always been, but you’re not on Google+ anyway, so it’s probably a moo point. You probably should be on Google+, but that’s neither here nor there. There’s no Facebook link because…Facebook, no. And yes, I know that Instagram is Facebook. They’ll all be owned…

  • Festering Pools Of Indignation And Blurry Righteousness

    Festering Pools Of Indignation And Blurry Righteousness

     Okay, this one is all over the place, but that has its own charm, doesn’t it? I mean, don’t you want to talk about dogs, crushing heat, megastorms, science (and the ignorance thereof), Gwyneth Paltrow, Jesus, geniuses, the home schooled, Lil Wayne, AA meetings, limp escapism, rock stars, resistance, complacency, Sam Kinison, Roseanne, Woody…

  • Interview with artist and writer Carol Es

    Interview with artist and writer Carol Es

     Tune in to my interview with artist and author Carol Es and hear what she has to say about her recently completed memoir, Shrapnel in the San Fernando Valley, and turn on to a strongbox full of gold, Yahweh Ben Yahweh, the Kardashians, hyphens and en dashes, the evils of Scientology, bad luck and…

Got any book recommendations?