It’s raining in Los Angeles, so we may as well talk about formative years, Bangladesh, mittens, waterlogged La-Z-Boys, Blue Mountain coffee, English muffins, Bordeaux, procrastination, what it means to be human, Facebook and other modern afflictions, Alex Jones, conspiracy, shirtless weeping, the Roman Empire, truth and science, Jesus himself, Nixon himself, Woodrow Wilson, selling candles door to door, and pear trees.
What is it about beer, or any alcohol, really, that makes us so…I don’t know, wonderful? Okay, it doesn’t make all of us wonderful, I’ll give you that. Some people shouldn’t be allowed to drink. I certainly shouldn’t have been allowed to drink when I was a young man, but no one stopped me, so some things happened, as they will. Here is the story of one (or two) of those things. Also, don’t forget to vote! I’m supposed to say that, right?
Join me, won’t you, on an action-packed cross country bicycle trip that I undertook a few short decades ago, in the America of the late 1980s. Weren’t those glorious times? What with the Cold War, the Reagan presidency gracefully pirouetting into the Bush presidency, Iran-Contra, Oliver North, revered statesman Dan Quayle, precious baby Jessica falling into that darn well, the “War on Drugs,” Exxon Valdez, Lyle and Erik Menendez, that kooky Berlin Wall. We’ll talk about none of that, but perhaps we’ll see what we’re made of, all of us. Or, you know, not. Anything can happen.
And a one and a two and a here we go, off into the wild blue yonder of the Malibu coastline, with wine, exes, freeway traffic, sophistication, $10 couches, real money, dog catchers, Thomas Brothers maps, helicopters, Elizabeth Shue in a leather skirt, bacterial infections, hard boiled eggs, sweat, darkness, garbage, shrubbery, pregnancy, hospitality, Cheech and Chong, George Carlin, Bill Cosby, pop life, and a friendly admonition to keep on truckin’.
That Google+ link is the same as it’s always been, but you’re not on Google+ anyway, so it’s probably a moo point. You probably should be on Google+, but that’s neither here nor there. There’s no Facebook link because…Facebook, no. And yes, I know that Instagram is Facebook. They’ll all be owned by Vladimir Putin eventually anyway, so we’re really splitting hairs here.
Speaking of moo points, have you heard/seen Mooo! by Doja Cat? It’s pretty goddamned funny. Her father wrote the music for the Broadway show Sarafina!, which, incidentally, is the only Broadway show in the history of Broadway shows that wasn’t completely useless and awful.
Mooo! has become a sensation among the kids and whatnot, so of course they’ve dug up some old Doja Cat Tweets that are politically incorrect and the Internet has gone from loving her to hating her in the span of about 10 minutes, which the Internet will do. I mean, does anybody remember laughter?!
The song is still great, in the “I am really, really high” or “I really, really don’t give a fuck” kind of way, both of which are AOK in my book.
Okay, this one is all over the place, but that has its own charm, doesn’t it? I mean, don’t you want to talk about dogs, crushing heat, megastorms, science (and the ignorance thereof), Gwyneth Paltrow, Jesus, geniuses, the home schooled, Lil Wayne, AA meetings, limp escapism, rock stars, resistance, complacency, Sam Kinison, Roseanne, Woody Allen, Ariana Grande and GG Allin, marching, Anubis, Siddhartha, John Updike, James Baldwin, Frank Herbert, printing presses and Walmart? Sure you do.
Tune in to our interview with artist and author Carol Es and hear what she has to say about her recently completed memoir, Shrapnel in the San Fernando Valley, and turn on to a strongbox full of gold, Yahweh Ben Yahweh, the Kardashians, hyphens and en dashes, the evils of Scientology, bad luck and stupid mistakes, survival, triumph and getting the first slice of the pie.
What the hell, let’s take a chainsaw to royalty, the desert, aliens with oversized heads, crazy glue, usenet, Airstream trailers, diplomas, fat and lazy cover bands, crushing and demoralizing your enemy, pig flesh, pigskin, loving it or leaving it, Amnesty International, smokescreens and the rise of the machines. We’ll talk about 14 of those 15 things, see if you can guess which ones.