Terrified of catching a cold? Don’t be, I’ve got you covered. Calm yourself by listening to my reassuring voice lulling you into an alpha wave-rich state of near catatonia by talking about hawks, burritos, cruise ships, toilet paper, Ira Glass, Portlandia, the death of half of the human race, super Tuesday, civil war, collapsed roofs, machines in the garage, politics and humanity, idiots, SEO, more idiots, writing for an audience of noodles, rules, rules, and more rules, some more idiots, removing the hair from around your nipples – wait, I didn’t talk about that, I was just thinking about it – college professors, Google, content, deplorables, cookies, complaining, cereal boxes, and a public service announcement.
Hi, remember me? I thought you might like to talk about dogs, jobs, moms, flying kites and Jolly Rogers, sleeping on pool tables, corn, Mai Tais with Buddha, white Christmas, metadata, Showtime at The Apollo, which Sex in the City character are you?, getting old, Christmas music, Van Morrison, The Wailers, fistfights, puppetheads, Joe Strummer, particles, white people, Survivor, Trevy, patois, Rastafari, appreciation vs. appropriation, Cross Colours jackets, why you should stop telling people you’re a DJ, and propane in the membrane.
And here I am again telling you, “Not this time, hombre.”
I was looking forward to speaking to you today, but some savage bastard a dentist ripped a molar out of my head a few days ago, and non-essential talking isn’t a super attractive prospect at the moment.
Besides, I just got my nails did, and I’m not about to fuck them up working dials and microphones and what have you. Please.
The fine and wonderful folks at Apple changed the iTunes categories for what appears to be no reason, and when I updated my feed to adapt to those changes I must have changed something else that made iTunes drop the podcast from their listings completely.
Let’s talk about air travel, airplanes, and people, and maybe also the Eiffel Tower, the Grand Canyon, Palm Springs in the summer, LAX, a deep, hacking, ugly cough, Pringles, pretzels, vodka, pasta salad, La-Z-Boys, Mountain Dew, nuns, flowy peasant blouses, iPods, Tunis Air, half-price fajita night, tuberculosis, and the joys of a good mani/pedi.
This morning I did something to this site and broke it. Then I broke it again, and now it’s fixed. I think.
What broke was an old (old) theme that I’d built a child theme around. I knew the day was coming because the parent theme has been defunct for years now, but you know how it goes. “If it ain’t broke,” and all that.
WordPress is a dogshit framework, I have to say. Not because of what happened today, that was my fault. But I have to laugh when I read how EASY it is to use, and how ANYONE can make a BEAUTIFUL, groovy website with it.
That is a lie, my friends.
I write and read and edit WordPress tutorials every day, it’s a big part of my job. I would hazard a guess that I know more about WordPress than the average person walking down the street. But every time I have to go into WordPress or update WordPress or fix WordPress, I cringe, because it’s a big, unwieldy, bloated awful piece of shit.
When you tell me that the average person who wants a website—but doesn’t know how to build one—should use WordPress because it’s EASY, I say you are a sadist and a cad. And possibly mentally disturbed. How dare you!
Allow me to regale you with more tales of packing up and moving, the Kingdom of Nye, the end of the road, Los Angeles, the high desert, America’s Next Top Model, the 60 freeway, LAX, the Milky Way, leaf blowers, Bedouins, mountain biking, Germans, landlords, cucumber water, and how Instagram is destroying the National Parks. If that’s not enough, I don’t know what to tell you.